Attack On Nonsense!
by Donunttakemeserious
Summary: A series of short stories with no real plot that features reworks of comedy sketches, pairing, crack pairings, a lot of OOC, guest appearances,and other random things. Enjoy! WARNING: Many chapters will have pointlessly long titles.
1. Connie And Sasha Fail As Robbers

Connie &amp; Sasha Fail As Robbers

"Hey Sasha let's hit this place next." said Connie as he and his partner in crime hitched a ride heading towards their current target. The couple had become full fledge robbers only a few days ago as there first hit was a children's lemonade stand and now they were going to hit up a local food market.

"Hell yeah Connie I love the way you think." praised Sasha as they passed a local candy shop. Later in the day, the pair entered the food market armed with harden French bread and a butcher's knife.

"Alright give us the mullah and no one gets hurt." demand Connie as he waved the butcher knife in the air. The frighten shoppers pleaded and gave into the demands as they handed Connie their money. Sasha in the meanwhile was taking food and putting some in her trenchcoat and some in her mouth.

"Sasha! Go for the meat too!" shouted Connie as was stealing sweets from the counter. He stole an insane amount of candy, an amount so big he had to let go the money in order to carry it. The lovers in crime bolt out the store when they sirens nearing, hours later they reached their hideout to eat there bounty.

"We're awesome Connie!" shouted Sasha as she stuffed bread in her mouth.

"Yeah I can't believe we gotta away with all this food." replied Connie as he prepared himself a sandwich.

"Not to mention the money!" said the pair in unison as they continued to eat. The pair looked at each other and then looked at there bounty, and realized that they forgot the money.

"Crap!"

Fin


	2. Armin Learns The Story Has No Plot

Armin Realizes That This Story Has No Plot And Freaks Out About It

"Hmmm something doesn't feel right." whispered Armin to himself as he reads the script for this chapter.

"Why am I in a bear costume? AAAAHHHHH! THIS STORY HAS NO PLOT!" yelled Armin as he realizes the truth

Fin


	3. The Reiner Workout Infomercial

Attack On Nonsense Infomercial: The Reiner Workout

[_Plays Good Vibrations by Marky Mark &amp; The Funky Bunch_]

You wanna get swoll like me? Well you can't cuz Imma beast, but I can get you close. First you gotta...WAIT you gotta pay to find out my secret workout. I can bench 300lbs, I can curl 100lbs, I can squat 500lbs, and I can deadlift 800lbs!

SO YOU WANNA GET SWOLL? CALL NOW, NO NOT TOMMORROW, NOW!

Fin


	4. Marco Can't Understand

Marco Can't Understand Why He Still Has To Show Up On Set Even Though His Character Died

"Why do I have to keep coming to work?" asked Marco

"Cuz we still need you here." replied the director

"But why?" asked Marco as the director walked away into his trailer to have coffee in peace. Everyone just ignored Marco and continued on with their day.

Fin


	5. What Eren Does Off Set

Everybody Wonders What Eren Jeager Has Been Doing All This TIme When Off The Set

"Where's Eren" asked Mikasa as she signed autographs in the parking lot to Armin who's wearing a bear costume.

"I'm not sure, he might be in his trailer." replied Armin holding ballons. Mikasa and Armin walked towards Eren's trailer and knocked on the door. The knocked a repeated number of times and until eventually Eren yelled out...

"I'm busy, I'll be out in an hour." yelled Eren as another voice from the trailer spoke.

"You suck dude." said the voice.

"Isn't that?" asked Armin as he tried peaking in the window. Mikasa also peaked in the window both of them were shocked in who was in the trailer.

"THAT'S KIRITO FROM SAO!" they shouted in unison

"I love me too!" said Kirito as he waved at the window to Armin and Mikasa, meanwhile Eren was focusing on his video game.

"THEY'RE PLAYING MINECRAFT!" yelled Armin

Fin


	6. Jean Kirstein Lincoln Horse's Commercial

Jean Kirstein: Lincoln Horse's Commercial

_I started riding Lincoln Horses since...before I got paid to._

_I don't ride Lincoln Horses because they look cool or because they're fancy_

_I ride them because...I just like them._


	7. Levi: The Important Questions In Life

Captain Levi Asks The Important Questions In Life

"This weed is mad tight dawg." commented Levi as he handed commander Erwin a blunt of some mad tight chronic.

"Yeah man I'm supa-high dawg" responded Erwin as he took another hit of the blunt. The two men where enjoys a few moments of smoking before going on patrol. Erwin stared foward as he took another hit, while Levi looked into the endless night sky.

"Hey yo, lemme axe you a question on real?' asked Levi as continued looking into the night sky.

"Yeah yeah dawg, go ahead man." responded Erwin as he yet another hit of his blunt. There was a few moments of suspenseful silence before Levi finally asked his question.

"Hey man where my dookie go?" asked Levi to Erwin who chuckled at him.

"Oh what?" said Erwin in amazement as he noticed the sincere look on Levi's face as waited for answer. Erwin chuckled and answered his subordinate's question.

"It go in the toilet, nigga you know dat." answered Erwin

"Naaah man I ain't stupid...where do it go after dat?" quickly responded Levi eager to hear another answer.

"C'mon nigga quit playin', it goes in the sewer everybody knows that." replied Erwin who was eager to change the subject.

"Everybody's goes down there?" asked the curious Levi who stared up into the night sky

"Where my dookie go after that?" again asked Levi

"It washes out to the ocean. I guess." scoffed Erwin to Levi's question, to Levi's amazement he began to picture something on grand scale.

"Hold up, hold up. Dolphins swim with my dookie?" asked excitingly asked Levi staring at Erwin who was clearly frustrated.

"I don't know, man. I mean, I don't I really don't know." replied a frustrated Erwin

"We're in the ocean." asked Levi for confirmation

"Yep." confirmed Erwin

"What happens to the dookie?" asked Levi to Erwin who giving in to Levi's questions

"I'm just taking a stab at like a wild guess, all right, that the dookie, like, probably go up in the air and, like, evaporates and then turns into a cloud or some shit" replied Erwin trying to finish the conversation.

"A dookie cloud. Oh, this shit. Everybody's dookie mix up, goes up into a cloud, and then it rains down. That's gangsta." said Levi in awe of this revelation.

"I just Can we stop talking about dookie right now?" asked the eager Erwin

"I just thought of something." declared Levi to Erwin who knew the dookie talk had not ended.

"Yes? What is it? What is it, Levi?" asked the frustrated Erwin eager to end the conversation.

"The pieces of my dookie" spoke Levi

"Yep?" question Erwin

"falls on the ground" continued Levi

"That's true, yep." confirmed Erwin

"and becomes a plant." continued Levi

"Okay, okay, that's good. Now, we're done with the dookie talk, right?" again questioned Erwin

"A dookie plant that reaches towards the sky... Ahh." finished the amazed Levi as reached for the heavens above him in enlightenment.

"Hey, Erwin." asked Levi

"Yeah, Levi?" replied Erwin continuing to smoke the joint.

"If my dookie can make it out of the hood, maybe we can too." stated Levi to a surprised Erwin.

"Maybe. Maybe Levi." replied Erwin as the two continued to smoke.

Fin

* * *

**A/N: **A re-work of a Key &amp; Peele sketch.


End file.
